Part Three

Physiology and Technique

CH 8 Definitions, Prelude, and Love Play

By the term intercourse we denote the full range of contact and connection between human beings for the purpose of sexual gratification. But first, let us make it unambiguously clear that by “sexual intercourse,” unqualified by any adjective, we refer exclusively to normal intercourse between persons of opposite sexes. If we cannot avoid the occasional reference to certain abnormal sexual practices, we will emphatically state that they are abnormal. But this will occur only very rarely because, as postulated above, our intention is to keep the hell-gate of the realm of sexual perversions firmly closed. On the other hand, the Ideal Marriage allows normal, physiological activities full space, in all desirable and delightful ways; these we will consider, without any prudishness, but with the deepest respect for true chastity. Anything sickly, anything perverse, we banish: for this is Holy Ground.

Genitale kus

To avoid confusion, we must first define what we consider normal sexual intercourse. This is not entirely easy. All strict definitions and sharp distinctions are particularly difficult in sexual matters. I think that the most comprehensive and exact definition is as follows:

That intercourse which takes place between two sexually mature individuals of different sexes; which excludes cruelty and the use of artificial means for arousing lustful sensa- ties; which is aimed directly or indirectly at achieving sexual gratification and which, after a certain degree of stimulation, ends with the ejaculation or ejection of the semen into the vagina, at the almost simultaneous climax of the sensation or orgasm of both partners.

1 The term culmination or acme is preferably used for orgasm.

Full intercourse consists of:

1. foreplay
2. the lovemaking
3. sexual union
4. the afterplay or epilogue (postlude).

The climax and the goal merge in the third stage. The accepted technical term for this third stage is coitus; but I will call it communion. This has the associations of union, completion and copulation: and also has the advantage of not emphasizing the man’s activity and the woman’s passivity, which in the Ideal Marriage should merge into a melodious mutu- ality of interaction and response. Communion – mating – merging – implies equal rights and equal joys in sexual union.
This mating or communion – which in a narrower and more precise sense can also be called sexual union – begins with the insertion of the male organ into the vagina, reaches its climax in the twofold climax and its goal in the pouring out and receiving of the life seed. It ends, strictly speaking, when the phallos is withdrawn from the vagina. The biological goal is achieved in fertilization or impregnation, but impregnation is not necessarily part of the process of sexual union, nor is sexual union always an indispensable condition for impregnation.

2 Note on pregnancy without prior coitus. There are numerous but obviously exceptional cases of fertilization or conception following the penetration of sperm into the female genitalia without complete immissio penis or penetration of the male organ. Such cases are of great practical importance. They clearly prove two things.
First, that under certain circumstances fertilization can occur if the sperm enters the external genitalia or vulva, even if the hymen is not broken. And secondly, that a spermatozoon can reach the female organs indirectly, for example by contact with a finger, and muster up enough vitality to make the long climb from the vulva to the ovary, without the impulse of ejaculation, and enter and fertilize the egg in its deepest sanctum; an ultimate proof of the incredibly concentrated activity and power of these primordial life seeds.
Practically significant are especially those cases in which sperm are transferred from a residue into the male urethra and from there, during urination, to the preputial gland, where they may also remain for some time in a state of suspended activity. They are then introduced into the female organ by renewed sexual contact, either by insertion without ejaculation or by more superficial contact.
Other cases are even more complicated and instructive. In these cases, sperm deposited in a woman’s vagina or external genitalia can be transferred to the vulva of a second woman or girl, who thereby becomes pregnant, while the first woman escapes. These extraordinary cases have been observed and conclusively established. They prove the extreme ease with which fertilization can be effected and the care required in handling seminal fluid or samples of sperm. sperm cells. They also illuminate and explain certain fertilizations despite “the greatest precautions” from an unsuspected angle.

At the end of sexual union or intercourse begins the afterglow, the epilogue, which, however, may be completely omitted in couples who do not really understand each other or feel no love for each other. In such cases, husband and wife turn away from each other after achieving satisfaction, if only for a moment. But when love is both intensely passionate and delicately sensitive, this afterplay becomes an important phase of sexual life; it is too often ignored or neglected in today’s ordinary married life.
It is not possible to put a specific time limit on this epilogue. It dies away like the final chords of a melody. It must reverberate, vibrate and reawaken in the run-up to a new sexual intercourse.
Thus couples can achieve that continuity of intercourse that I consider one of the most beautiful results of the ideal marriage and, at the same time, one of its most reliable foundations.

As soon as the first stirrings of the approach impulse are perceptible, the prelude to sexual union begins. It continues with an invariable crescendo, in some cases slowly, in others quickly, and in exceptional cases with the speed and certainty of lightning.
And where does it end? It ends as the game of love begins.
Surely there is no need to note that we cannot pin ourselves down to a particular moment in time as the end of foreplay and the beginning of the second stage? It is clear that they merge in delicate gradations, that sometimes actions and reactions characteristic of love play appear in foreplay, and that on the other hand, especially on the woman’s side, a timid reticence and elusiveness manifests itself even when the second fuller erotic chords have sounded.
Still, it seems useful to indicate a dividing line, a natural Rubicon, between these two phases of the love drama. And it is not difficult to recognize it: the erotic kiss or lover’s kiss is the prototype of all erotic contacts, initiating a new degree of tension, for which reasons I believe it belongs definitively to the second stage.
This second stage takes place from the erotic kiss to the beginning of erotic intercourse. It is a preparation for such intercourse and is indispensable if both partners are to be able to achieve such intercourse in complete harmony of body and soul.

This particular stage in sexual relations is of special significance for the hitherto inexperienced and “unspoiled girl”; for an expert and delicate art in love play on the part of the man is generally necessary to arouse her completely and make her ready for and receptive to the sex act.
With practiced lovers, especially between partners who have thoroughly adjusted to each other’s individuality, both foreplay and lovemaking can be “handled” in one brief gesture or omitted altogether. A glance, a word of invitation and suggestion suffice, especially after prolonged abstinence from each other, to prepare and initiate the supreme act.
But this lightning-fast love contact can only occur very rarely and on exceptional occasions, between persons with finer feelings, and only they are capable of the Ideal Marriage;and when it happens, there must be complete mastery of the intimate aesthetic technique. Otherwise it is essentially coarse and has serious psychological consequences. For the man who neglects lovemaking is guilty not only of coarseness, but also of positive cruelty; and his neglect can not only offend and disgust a woman, but also injure her on the purely physical plane.
And this sin of omission is unforgivably stupid.
For lovemaking, as an art, provides an abundance of pleasures certainly not inferior to those of intercourse itself. In the Ideal Marriage, this second stage in the drama of sexual relations should be valued and cultivated as much as the third.
If we consider each stage separately and in detail in proportion to its importance, we need not spend too much time on preparatory technique. It is simply the conversion into tactful and skillful actuality of the principles we set forth in our third chapter on general sexual physiology.
Looks and words play the leading role in foreplay because they can best express feelings at this early stage when the soul is more stirred than the body.

But even the minor roles are important here: see all that has been said before about the association of the sense of smell with sex; see also Rousseau’s statement about the power of “le doux parfum d’un cabinet de toilette.” 1
And we can also refer in this connection to dancing, which has certainly lost some of its primordial significance as a sexual ritual,2 but nevertheless retains much power of erotic symbolism and suggestion in modern civilization. This is especially the case with certain folk dances, such as the Russian Trepak, the Sicilian and the Tyrolean (Schuhplattler), which are clearly pantomimic court dances. They achieve their effect not only through the play of gestures, but also through the force and lively grace of the movement, and generally also through the musical accompaniment, the strongest factor of which here is rhythmic.
In the prelude, the impulse of approach works through the three senses of sight, hearing and smell. Taste and touch come closer, and it can be said that touch, once in action, quickly takes over.
There are two main types or, to continue the musical analogy, motifs in the prelude: coquetry and flirtation.
When I use the first word here, I do not mean to emphasize the associations of vanity and levity associated with it in its original form and language.
What I mean by the term coquetry in the erotic prelude to the Ideal Marriage corresponds, if I am not mistaken, to the true original meaning of the word, and implies the interplay of alternating approach and withdrawal, attraction and repulsion, which, through the resulting accumulating tension and summary, constitutes one of the strongest spells of love on the psychic side.
Coquetry, when used by a woman of sensitive sense and artistic taste, with delicate gradations and appropriate discretion in its more defensive aspects, can be one of the most graceful erotic manifestations, for there is a special charm in a withdrawal followed by a renewed advance. We realize this general rule of aesthetics in music, where it is used most effectively; in drama, where a brief pause increases interest in the action when it begins again; and in erotic art, by pleasing. And we will find this intentional temporary withdrawal and restraint as a subtle pleasure in the more intimate stages of lovemaking, and even during the climax of intercourse.
climax of intercourse.
But, let us not forget: any stimulant in overdose is
poison; just as poison in the smallest doses on appropriate occasions acts as a stimulant.
So it is in art; in the fine arts, musical, literary, plastic, visual; and likewise in the most beautiful of all, the art of love, deliberate and conscious restraint must be used very carefully and differentiated. Those who do not know how to apply such methods at the right time, in the right way and with full competence are better off leaving them alone. Or let him (and no less her!) beware of overdosing! For too little here can at most miss a special effect, but too much restraint, too strong accentuation of the defensive, the independent, causes not stimulation but paralysis; it paralyzes human sympathies in one partner, specific sexual desires in another.
And the piquant taste of coquetry, overused, not only inhibits and paralyzes. It tastes sour and repulsive; it arouses disgust and is loathed!
Lovers beware!

1 Quoted in the nineteenth aphorism of the First Interlude.
2 See, among others, Ploss-BarteVs “Woman in Biology and Anthro- pology.” Edited by E. J. Dingwall, M.A., D.Sc., Ph.D. (Wm. Heinemann (Medical Books) Ltd.)

Warning!

The most important tool in the introduction to sexual intercourse is: conversation; the exchange of impressions and ideas. Its most effective subject is: Love. Its effects are caused by suggestion: autosuggestion and reciprocal.

The best sense of what this foreplay means can be formed when we consider its physical influence. I am not referring now to the general organic effect evidenced by increased cardiac action (tachycardia). The local sensations clearly prove that the erotic prelude of contemplation and conversation is a preparation. For when it is performed according to the rules of this most ancient human art, by means of purely psychic stimuli, it produces an unmistakable physical symptom in both man and woman – at least in the normally erotically experienced woman. This symptom is the distillation or lubrication of the sexual organs, which physically expresses the desire for closer contact and is an indispensable condition for such contact, or at least for full and mutually satisfying intercourse.1

1 Distillation or lubrication is the secretion of mucus from the smaller gonads, as described in Chapters VI. and VII. Since physiology has not replaced the term distillation (originally invented and spread by moral theology) with any other term, I prefer to use it rather than paraphrase. The other local symptoms that often occur during foreplay (erection and swelling of the clitoris in women) are less common than lubrication and usually belong to a later stage of lovemaking.
In the second phase, on the other hand, without sufficient preparation, the genitals expand and become swollen before being lubricated.

The most important tool in the introduction to sexual intercourse is: conversation; the exchange of impressions and ideas. Its most effective subject is: Love. Its effects are caused by suggestion: autosuggestion and reciprocal.

The best sense of what this foreplay means can be formed when we consider its physical influence. I am not referring now to the general organic effect evidenced by increased cardiac action (tachycardia). The local sensations clearly prove that the erotic prelude of contemplation and conversation is a preparation. For when it is performed according to the rules of this most ancient human art, by means of purely psychic stimuli, it produces an unmistakable physical symptom in both man and woman – at least in the normally erotically experienced woman. This symptom is the distillation or lubrication of the sexual organs, which physically expresses the desire for closer contact and is an indispensable condition for such contact, or at least for full and mutually satisfying intercourse.1

1 Distillation or lubrication is the secretion of mucus from the smaller gonads, as described in Chapters VI. and VII. Since physiology has not replaced the term distillation (originally invented and spread by moral theology) with any other term, I prefer to use it rather than paraphrase. The other local symptoms that often occur during foreplay (erection and swelling of the clitoris in women) are less common than lubrication and usually belong to a later stage of lovemaking.
In the second phase, on the other hand, without sufficient preparation, the genitals expand and become swollen before being lubricated.

The second phase or act in the love drama – the love game – arises from the urge for sexual satisfaction in the broadest sense of the word.
In the Western races – for whom these suggestions are intended – it almost always starts with the kiss – with the lover or erotic kiss, 2 bien entendu. Of course, there are kisses that have nothing to do with sexual love. It would be completely indefensible to assume otherwise, as kisses are often given and received that are entirely formal and conventional, or are caused by other than sexual affection. But this second category is much less numerous than simple people suppose, or than they want to believe and/or pretend to believe. Because sexual emotions have a much broader range and play a much more complex role in life than people usually dare to realize, or at least express in words.
In any case, ‘just an innocent, innocent kiss’ is often much less ‘innocent’ in the accepted sense of sexless than is conventionally (or conveniently!) assumed. For many otherwise open-minded adults who try to be honest with themselves, they have found that the “innocence” of a respectful or pitiful kiss on the forehead or hand has proven to be quite fictitious! further stages.
And there are other kisses, more or less strikingly sexual, which are given and received with such haste, shame and awe that they belong to foreplay rather than to erotic play itself. These include the kisses that are exchanged as part of certain games, and the kisses that adolescent young people engage in, largely out of curiosity and experimentation.
All these variants of the genus kiss lack the typical characteristic of the erotic kiss. Because the erotic kiss is mutual; it is given and received from mouth to mouth with mutual pressure.

* Japanese, Chinese and Annames do not kiss as we understand the term. Instead of mutual contact of the mouth, there is nasal contact, with a delicate, purposeful inhalation.
A report from Tokyo that appeared in the press in September 1924 was typical of the difference in Japanese ideas and feelings; of the indecency, even obscenity, of the kiss on the mouth in their eyes. In an exhibition of European works of art, a reproduction of Rodin’s group ‘Le Baiser’ was hidden behind a bamboo screen and not accessible to the public.
And it is known all over the world that the erotic technique of the East has not been affected by the omission of the mouth-to-mouth kiss. Both the Near and Far East generally value and practice erotic technique much more highly and generally than the Western world, and we can learn a lot from them in this area.
And the olfactory or nasal kiss – the act of sniffing or inhaling each other’s skin and breath – is practiced much more often in the Western world than is generally assumed. I will refer to this later.

This is the signature and its meaning.
The erotic kiss itself is rich in variety. It can ‘stroke’ the flower like a butterfly’s wing by a light caress of the lips with other pursed lips; be, as it were, an ‘effleurage’, to use the technical term of massage therapy for gentle caressing, and of poetry for fleeting, barely perceptible contacts. From its lightest, weakest form it can span a spectrum of intimacy and intensity all the way to the tone of Maraichinage, in which the couple, sometimes for hours, explore and caress the inside of each other’s mouths as deeply as possible with their tongues.1 But there is no question that the greatest penetration when kissing is not the same as the maximum pleasure and stimulation for all lovers. Mastery in this art is a matter of delicate differences rather than one limited and sharply defined style.
But the tongue is indispensable in the erotic kiss; and “plays the leading role” in its most important variations. This may take the form of vigorous and pronounced penetration, but in a much more subtly differentiated manner than among the primitive peasantry of the Vendée. The French kiss is indeed most fascinating when the tip of the tongue very lightly and gently stimulates the tongue and lips of the loved one.

1 The name “Maraichinage” is derived from the Maraichins or inhabitants of the Pays de Mont district in the Vendée (Brittany), where this form of lovemaking is extremely popular among young, unmarried people. The publicity of his performance in the Pays de Mont does not seem to detract from the enjoyment of it. This may be because Marcel Baudouin, physician and local mayor, is quoted as recommending Maraichinage as “a real antidote to depopulation” in an essay submitted to the Paris Académie de Médecine by none other than Debove.
By the way, those who want to give this practice a learned name should not speak of ‘Cataglottis’, but rather of ‘Cataglossism’.

The kiss brings together three senses: touch, taste and smell. Sound should be noticeable by its absence! The sense of smell is important here. There are differences and mixtures of the personal odors of the skin around the mouth opening, of the oral cavity and of the breath. We mentioned these above when discussing the erotic influence of personal scents. The special smell of the skin is probably more important than is generally assumed. In any case, there is much ground for the derivation of kissing from the mutual nosing and sniffing of animals.1 In those races of men who inhale or sniff rather than taste when they kiss (or as we call it ‘rubbing noses’), it is probable that the smell of the skin felt as the predominant attraction, although the breath is also perceived.
And undoubtedly the sense of touch also receives impressions, although probably less finely graduated and more intense than in the kiss from mouth to mouth.
And one sensory element of the mouth and tongue kiss (buccal or bucco-lingual) is missing from the nose kiss: the taste factor. This is a factor that most people cannot clearly perceive, and very few connoisseurs can distinguish and describe the individual taste of their loved one’s kisses as the ancient Romans could.2 But there is a vague but unmistakable difference in the taste of their lover’s kisses. kissing of different individuals or of the same individual at different times, a difference perceptible to the taste, though hardly describable in words. It probably arises from the natural moisture of the mouth and salivary glands. We know that the composition of saliva varies; we have tested this by physiological chemistry (leaving aside morbid conditions) in strictly normal processes, such as pregnancy, and we know that various substances, introduced into the body through the veins or the vagina, are absorbed into the saliva.
All this is sufficient to impart a certain individual flavor to the fluids of the mouth and throat, and we must not forget that taste and smell are never entirely separable; and this gives individuality to kissing. Because the erotic kiss, at least the longer and more intense erotic kisses between lovers, are essentially, and unlike the formal, conventional kiss, not dry, but moist. The fluid moves from one mouth to the other, even if it is only a very small amount. And many lovers, perhaps most, prefer an amount that is not very small. The poets who rhapsodize, “And I will drink your kisses, as I used to do so often,” are literally right, when it comes to erotic technique – because erotic kisses are drunk, or at least savored.

I need not repeat here what has been said about the tactile sensations conveyed during kissing by the caressing (friction) and stimulation of and by the lips and tongue.

Here I will only emphasize two contributing factors, which have been ignored in Chapter I I I. The first is the peculiar tactile sensation produced by sucking, which is usually present, in greater or lesser degrees, and which can be modified and varied depending on whether it is actively exerted, passively experienced, or a combination of both.
The second factor, which has not been mentioned so far, is the use of the teeth in the kiss. Not only do they support the lips, but in the more passionate kisses they are often active agents.
Both the active and the passive partner feel a particularly sharp, erotic pleasure in the small, delicate, soft or sharp but never really painful nipples that man and woman exchange as lovemaking accelerates, especially when such caresses are applied in quick succession. and in adjacent places.

I have tried to show how manifold and especially how multiform are the components of which the toutensemble is the erotic kiss. It goes without saying that there are countless possibilities here for variation, shadows, diminuendos and crescendos.
The love expert knows them and uses them.
The novice should learn them here, for they will all be needed in the Ideal Marriage.
Balzac says: ‘If a man cannot afford different pleasures to the woman he has made his wife for two successive nights, he has married too early.’
And the man is indeed married too early, if he does not know how kisses can vary between those who love each other – or cannot make use of this knowledge in practice.
The game of love does not only involve the erotic kiss from mouth to mouth; kissing on different parts of the body are also appropriate and acceptable at this stage of the approach.
Such kisses can be graduated primarily depending on the place to which they are applied – mouth and breasts are specially erogenous areas, but apart from that it can be said that erotic sensitivity increases, from the periphery to the center; from the forehead and temples down over the cheeks and throat; from the fingertips along the palms and arms; from the instep and ankles, upward to the calves and thighs, and increasing steadily as the genital organs are approached. For details we may refer the student to what was said at the end of Chapter III, about “erogenous zones.” Further diversity can be introduced here, in intensity or degree, by alternating light, caressing or “tickling” kisses with strong suction and pressure with the teeth. But unlike the emotional play of mouth-to-mouth kissing, where active and passive tactile feelings are reciprocal, the physical kiss provides a completely different kind of pleasure, depending on whether it is given or received. Both feelings can be erotically delightful, and even more so when each partner can kiss and kiss at the same time.
When analyzing these caresses, it is clear that the stimulation received by the partner being kissed is completely tactile, while the partner receiving the kiss receives through the lips and the tip of the tongue, transmitting sensations of touch to the conscious nerve centers in the brain . and smell.
In fact, the body kiss plays on a distinctly primitive olfactory or inhalation method – much more so than the typical mouth-to-mouth kiss of the West; and not only for the active partner, but also for the passive partner. Due to the peculiar sensations which the nerves of the outer epidermis receive (from the current of air which varies in temperature from cool to warm, when inhaled or exhaled, and which almost resembles an irregular, intermittent pneumatic massage, and which is certainly the main cause is here) are experienced as extremely pleasant by many people and apparently consciously registered as such – especially by women.
For the active partner, the type of olfactory sensation obviously varies depending on the place kissed. This needs no further proof. Nor is it necessary to go into more detail about the influence that the sense of taste can exert on individuals and areas of the body under certain circumstances.

I have mentioned the role that the teeth can play in erotic kissing, both in mouth-to-mouth kissing and on other parts of the body, and emphasized the whole normality:
amorous technique, of light, gentle bites, or rather pinches, that do not damage the skin. But of course this does not mean that even these playful snacks are exchanged with every erotic kiss; far from it. Nevertheless, when lovemaking reaches its peak and the greatest possible intensity of feelings is expressed in kisses, both partners tend to use their teeth, and in this there is nothing abnormal, morbid or perverse.
Can the same be said of the real love bite that breaks the skin and draws blood? To some extent – yes. But then there is a limit beyond which lies: pathological and perverse sexuality. And yet it is very difficult to determine where exactly this boundary lies. As in all areas of emotional life, the phases from the normal to the morbid, from the intense to the bizarre, proceed so gradually that they can hardly be demarcated by any fixed boundary. Does not every devoted lover show himself in some sense “like one of unsound mind,” whose aim is abnormally limited, whose field of vision is absurdly narrow? And yet there must be a rule, a guideline, a limit! And I think we have a right to draw the line, whether at the love bite or anywhere else, sexual pleasure is induced by the infliction or endurance of pain (physical or psychological), and to draw it clearly and firmly at the first signs of cruelty. .1
The normal love bite usually takes place in the more intense moments of erotic play or during actual coitus, either in the rapid crescendo of sensation or at the very top moment. The most favorite places are the man’s body, the shoulder, especially the left shoulder, or the space just below the collarbone; in women, the neck – again on the left side – and the flanks of the abdomen. This selection probably depends partly on relative bodily stature and positions in coitus, but also on obscure atavisms that we have not yet detected or understood. Women are noticeably more addicted to love bites than men. It is not at all unusual for a woman of passionate nature to leave a memento of the sexual union on the man’s shoulder in the form of a small oblique oval outline of teeth marks. The bite almost without exception takes place during coitus or immediately afterwards, while the generally softer, lighter or at least less noticeable love bites that the man gives to his partner are part of the erotic play before or the final phase after the coitus. .
But does this mean that the male partner is so much more gentle and tender than the woman? That he holds himself back, even in the height of ecstasy? No ! far from it; that would be a bad and disappointing experience for the woman. Because there can be no doubt that women would not truly love themselves and would not want to unless they feel that the man is completely carried away by his emotions at the right time. And many bruises on women’s arms are evidence of the man’s tourbillon**
To quote from Dr. Havelock Ellis’s “Love and Pain”, Vol. III. of Studies in Psychology: ‘We must admit that a certain pleasure in manifesting his power over a woman by inflicting pain on her is a result and survival of the primitive process of courtship, and an almost or entirely normal component of the sexual impulse . But it must at once be added that in the normal, well-balanced and well-conditioned man this component of the sexual impulse, if present, is always kept under control. to inflict any degree of physical pain on the woman he loves, he can hardly be said to be moved by cruelty. He feels, more or less darkly, that the pain he inflicts, or wishes to inflict, is actually part of his life. love, and that, moreover, it is not really resented by the woman on whom it is exercised. His feeling is by no means always in accordance with the knowledge, but it must be taken into account as an essential part of his emotional state. physical force, the teasing and bullying to which he is inclined to exercise under the pressure of sexual excitement, are, as he usually more or less unconsciously tells himself, not really unwelcome to the object of his love. Moreover, we must bear in mind – a very important fact from more than one point of view – that the normal expressions of a woman’s sexual pleasure are very similar to those of pain. ‘ The outward manifestations of pain, as one lady very rightly writes, tears, cries, etc., which are emphasized, to prove the cruelty of the person who inflicts the pain, are not so different from those of a woman in the ecstasy of passion as she begs the man to stop, even though that is actually the last thing she wants.’ When a man is convinced that he is causing real and unmitigated pain, he immediately repents. If this is not the case, he must be regarded either as a radically abnormal person or as carried away by passion to a point of temporary madness.

1 We are not called here to discuss the interrelationships of sexual cruelty. But it must be fully and honestly admitted that these interactions are frequent and extremely powerful. Nevertheless, they are pathological – at least for practical everyday life – and belong to the kind of sexual abnormality that, in its pronounced form, is utterly hideous, devastating and inhuman. As we avoid these horrors in thought and deed, let us remember that like most other forms of moral madness, these too have their roots in perfectly normal nature and circumstances. That is to say: tendencies in this direction exist in every normal person and can be observed especially in children, but fortunately they can also be successfully transformed and overcome.

And the same may apply to another motive that could undoubtedly lead to the coital bite. It can be given out of concentrated sexual hatred: not out of any measure of sexual love. Only a very superficial observer can miss the primitive repulsion and antagonism between the sexes, which is as real and more lasting than the attraction. The attraction may prevail for a while, and often does; but the antipathy is there, and its expression is much broader and often just as powerful. Under love there is always hatred lurking.3 And this is certainly one of the deepest causes of humanity’s tragedy. It is this possibility that gives such a sinister suggestion to the love bite; and to the triumphant slap with the open hand on the nates that many a man gives his partner, or feels an impulse to give her, at the end of coitus. For these manifestations are completely ‘normal’, both in terms of frequency and fundamental unconscious motives.
But let us not dwell on this tragic note any longer. It is one of the main objectives of the Ideal Marriage to allow the love motive to rise, dominate and triumph over its ugly elemental enemy. In the spirit of Ellis’ great chapter on ‘Love and Pain’, let us also remember the words of Matilda Wesendonck’s poem:

1 Set to music by R. Wagner.

What both man and woman, driven by dark primitive urges, want to feel in the sexual act, is the essential power of masculinity, which expresses itself in a kind of violent and absolute possession of the woman. And so they both can and do enjoy a degree of male aggression and dominance – actual or apparent – that this essential force proclaims.
Hence the sharp grabbing and squeezing of the woman’s arms, sides and knees. Hence the significant fact that this male erotic manifestation belongs to the moments of coitus itself, and not to its preparations.1
The special violence of the love bite, on the other hand, is rarely used by the man during the sexual act. This in itself is remarkable, for one might suppose that his ancestors, in the dark ages of our semi-anthropoid and animal evolution, bequeathed to him the imperious instinct of clinging tooth and jaw to his partner in the act. . Perhaps there are atavistic reasons why the relatively few and light love bites given by the man during coitus occur almost without exception on the left side of the woman’s throat. Or it could simply be due to the relative attitudes during the action.
And the origins of the love bite are very different from those of the pinching, grabbing, and stabbing forms of violence referred to above.
I think there can be no error in assuming that the female tendency to bite during the sexual act 2 arises primarily from the desire to give a kiss more intense than is humanly possible. 8 This leads to strong suction and to sharp use of the teeth, and thus to a feeling of satisfaction on the part of the biting woman, and of strong elation on the part of the bitten partner. This feeling of the bitten man is complex, intertwined with joy and pain. Of joy, physically through the strong stimulation of the nerves, and psychologically through the consciousness or semi-consciousness of the beloved woman’s need to give the supreme expression of her love. And from pain – which in a state of acute sexual arousal is hardly felt as such – and which in most cases will only be very mild, because the ‘normal’ love bite does not break the skin. It cannot therefore break a small vein or draw blood, for the fluid slightly tinged with blood on the bruised spot is, as a rule, only saliva with a slight admixture of blood, caused by the pressure of the woman’s gums; it does not cause a real wound, just a bruise that changes from purplish to greenish-yellow over a few days, or at most weeks, and disappears without a scar. Such cases as that of Edith Swanneck, immortalized by Heine1 and famous in the Old English tradition, are so rare that they cannot be considered ‘normal’ acts, although such acts are not necessarily committed by ‘abnormal’ persons.
For such a love bite as Edith Swanneck’s, the foregoing explanations seem superficial and inadequate. It almost suggests a connection between the two primitive urges of self-preservation through attack, and reproduction through sex; as is generally found in some species of the less developed animals,2 and can be recognized in some forms of mental disorders.
And this strange temporary merging of two primal forces may also be responsible for some of the ‘normal’, gentler love bites.

1 Hence also the deliberately violent specific movements in coitus, to which many men sometimes resort during the act, and which are even more appreciated by their partners than by themselves. sensation from friction, for the special stimulus of friction is often sharpest when the pressure is least.
2 We have already seen that this tendency is greater in woman than in man, who has his muscular power and uses it wildly as a vehicle for the expression of his sexual ecstasy. Ellis and other authorities agree.
8 Another theory about the origin of kissing is derived from the biting of our animal ancestors during coitus. According to this view, the bite is the original manifestation, and the kiss the secondary and derivative.

Lovemaking must and will express itself not only in kisses, but in touches and manual caresses in all degrees, from the gentlest stimulation and the lightest caress with the tips of the fingers, to grasping and pressing together with the palm and fingers, although here, it can also be stated as a rule that the lightest touches are the most effective.2 The stimuli given by manipulation are approximately the same for the active and the passive partner, although they are, so to speak, different in color. They are strongest when activity and passivity alternate, and especially when they occur simultaneously. And of course, for both modes, psychic readiness is absolutely essential: the consciousness must receive these impressions without reluctance or resistance.
For the passive partner, the exact body area being manipulated makes a big difference. In this connection we may refer to what was said in Chapter III about the sense of touch; we can re-emphasize the importance of the erogenous zones, while remembering that they are not identical in all individuals – or at least do not have the same degree of sensitivity. Finally, we may urge the spouses to explore and study each other’s peculiarities in this regard, and to make frequent and fervent use of them.
knowledge.
For the active agent in these caresses, the specific place
favored matters, because it is in itself stimulating and delightful to know, feel and see the joy and stimulation you can give. And in these matters shared pleasure is indeed double pleasure. The specific structure, and especially the nerve supply, of the area being caressed determines the degree of pleasure received.
And of course the specific sexual organs and their environment are the main point of attention.
The love game reaches its maximum in contact with the external sexual organs: because normally only these external organs are involved in this phase of the love drama.
We must talk about this in detail, but we must first mention the breasts and nipples, which are also sexual organs with a high erotic value. We can once again emphasize the extreme sensitivity of the nipples (including the areola) to contact by tongue or finger, or by obvious suction. These caresses give a special joy when a certain degree of excitement has already been achieved. And this effect is further enhanced when the nipples themselves become erect – because they are just as capable of erection (proportionately) as the clitoris and penis.1 Nipple erection (breast erection or engorgement) can occur as a result from direct mechanical stimulation (touching, sucking) or by reflex action, in harmony with the engorgement of other sexual organs, especially the clitoris; or, more rarely, and in women of extremely fiery temperament, in response to purely psychological influences.
Apparently, a frequent erection of the breast leads to increased sensitivity of the breast. The sensation provided is strongest when it coincides with the stimulation of another erogenous zone. When the nipple and clitoris are stroked simultaneously and subtly, they mutually enhance each other’s stimulation, and this double contact gives many women the maximum possible pleasure outside of coitus.
The man’s nipple is built on the same plan as that of the woman, but is a much more rudimentary organ. Therefore, it is much less sensitive sexually. But it is capable of receiving sexual sensations and becoming erect (or becoming swollen or tense).
Breast stimulation is pleasurable for both the stimulator and the passive partner, but generally to a lesser extent, and in a predominantly psychological way, due to the awareness of pleasure imparted. Because the structure and appearance of the nipples are not necessarily intended to arouse strong erotic arousal.

2 A similar gripping and kneading movement of the hand is known in
therapeutic massage such as petrissage. In addition, another massage method, tapotement, quite light, elastic tapping or tapping, can be used with a clearly strong erotic effect, especially on the lumbar and pelvic area, where it is even more stimulating than ‘pétrissage’. But it is rarer in marital relationships because it is not so obvious and requires some skill in practice.

1 But these processes occur in a completely different way, because the structure of the nipple is different.

The breasts, on the other hand, are erotically very strikingly attractive. If there is any psychic tendency to approach, the very sight or outline of the bosom is somewhat exciting to men; and touching this part of the beloved woman’s body increases desire. This type of caressing – which should not be too rough – is also full of sexual pleasure for women. Women long to have their breasts admired and caressed, and often seek or more or less obviously suggest such affection. Nevertheless, the active man generally seems to be more aroused by these types of caresses than the woman who receives them.
In any erotic play performed with delicate reverence and attention – and especially if the lovers are not yet completely accustomed to each other and attuned to each other – a considerable amount of time should be spent in kissing and manual caresses before touching the genitals. After gentle caresses and clasping of the accessory organs, the hand should lightly and gently stroke the abdomen, the pubic bone and the inner thighs; land quickly on the genitals and immediately move to the opposite thigh. Only by a cautious and circuitous route may it approach the sacred place of sex and tenderly seek entrance
At this point begins the stage of the love drama that I have called “local stimulation.” If the searching and caressing hand belonged to the man, his woman’s thighs will be slightly separated at his touch and her special organs will have become more accessible. And if his previous caresses have caused some degree of arousal, these female organs will have received a greater blood supply and begun to expand. The outer lips pout and part, exposing the clitoris and inner lips. And the glands of the vestibule moisten the vulva with their special clear and smooth secretion.
This way, the husband’s caressing hand has no difficulty finding the vulva and continuing its gentle caresses. These will be bestowed mainly on the Glans clitoridis, the small organ protruding in the middle; even more so because arousal has already clogged the clitoris, leading to the expansion and retraction of the foreskin. Thus, the finger cannot miss the most sensitive spot of all (where the frenulum or edge is attached), and this sensitivity is multiplied by the erection of the small organ. This form of contact – almost unintentional at first – is extremely delightful for the woman and increases her desire incalculably. And the man’s reaction increases as he feels her pleasure at his touch. And then there follows spontaneously and naturally the extension of the clitoral stimulation and friction, and of the adjacent structures; the inner lips, the opening of the introitus vaginae and the entire shaft of the clitoris; but the main focus of pleasure is in the Glans clitoridis. And this local (genital) stimulation, accompanied by kisses and words of love, with a crescendo of emotion, the most effective instrument of which is the exchange of manipulation, continues and accelerates itself until the
male member, or fallos, is inserted into the vagina; and this achieves the goal and finale of the love game, and passes into the beginning of sexual intercourse or coitus.

1 In what follows our attempt has been to achieve perfect clarity while preserving the dignity of science.

We have emphasized the charm of reciprocity in this local incentive. But the manipulation of the male organ by the woman is not such an obvious and inevitable stage as the active role of the husband. Nevertheless, it is very valuable and meaningful. A woman who is completely initiated and possessed by the man she loves, invariably, almost automatically, tries to touch and caress his genitals with her hand as soon as the erotic lovemaking – both general and especially local – has sexually stirred her . , to a certain degree of enthusiasm. The objective realization of his arousal (for by then he will be in full erection, or if not, he will become so through her touch) is for her a supreme psychoerotic joy. And she expresses this joy by reaching out with her grip and casually stroking the phallos, creating a systematic stimulation. She tries to find the most sensitive spots, or if she has knowledge and experience with them, she applies what she knows. And the man’s lightning reaction, his ‘yes, yes’ and cries of pleasure, the crescendo of him
whole organism, teach the hair, without delay.1
Nevertheless, she will do well to observe a certain trepidation and sparingness in direct penile stimulation. And this not only or mainly because extreme directness in a woman’s sexual manifestations can repel her husband; we will have more to say on this subject later. But above all because women generally need more time and a wider range of stimuli than men to reach the peak of pleasure, or an orgasm. If the man receives too many powerful sensations before the actual coitus begins, very little more is needed to achieve his ejaculation and orgasm. And it is more than likely that this is the case
‘a little more’ is not enough to give the woman whatever she needs. Thus, she fails to achieve satisfaction due to her own error in erotic technique. And it goes without saying that local stimulation may only be necessary occasionally in the case of the man, for example when for some reason he is less excitable than normal, below average in terms of masculinity, or just after previous coitus.
This will also become clear from the previous comments
for many women the exact opposite is true. At least as long as and until they are experienced erotically. To achieve the mutual simultaneous climax of perfect coitus, such women need both extensive and intensive initiation and preparation, which includes not only artistic foreplay and carefully planned and progressive lovemaking, but also and especially local stimulation, tactful and tactful. and thoughtfully begun by the husband, and carried out with perseverance and insight, even at the cost of considerable self-denial and passionate restraint on his part.

1 If light stimulation is desired, the front of the organ should be stroked, especially in the urethral area and the edge of the glans or tip. Stronger sensations are caused when the shaft is clamped from above and surrounded by the palm and fingers; and by a marked rotational friction of the glans. But this last part must be sufficiently lubricated by the thin mucous secretion, otherwise pain and inflammation will occur, and not pleasure. Or the shaft can be surrounded by a ring. The most acute and subtle stimulation is caused by gentle friction of the frenulum preputii or band of the foreskin.

And this local stimulation is often far from as simple as I indicated above when describing what happens in a normal, satisfying lovemaking technique. The woman does not always give access to the man’s caressing hand. And if, when gentle pressure and words of reassurance and pleading on his part have been successful here, there is not the necessary excitement and desire on her part to cause swelling of the labia, dilation of the vulva and erection of the clitoris , then Since these manifestations are normal and desirable before coitus, it is both foolish and extremely selfish of the husband to attempt them, in their absence. Because it means he will leave her unsatisfied. Prolonged local stimulation is the only means to save the situation here, because it is the only way to give the woman the required degree of local congestion and expansion and psychological readiness. “Praeterea censeo, vulvam sacratissimae Majestatis, ante coitum, diutius esse titillandam.” (That is, “Moreover, I am of the opinion that the sexual organs” (i.e., in this case, the clitoris) “of Your Most Holy Majesty should be stimulated for some time.
time before coitus.”) Such was the closing sentence and the content of the diagnosis that Empress Maria Theresa received from her famous imperial physician, the Dutchman Van Swieten, when she consulted him about her early infertility. History has testified to its effectiveness We will not delve further into the connection between dyspareunia (scientific term for the inability of a man and woman to reach the peak of sexual pleasure at the same or approximately times) and infertility. As interesting and important as the subject is, we will only but repeat, with all possible seriousness and emphasis, that much marital unhappiness attributed to the apparent sexual frigidity of women could have been avoided and prevented if the medical profession had done so. married life, as a result of a mixture of false modesty and professional restraint, and in appropriate cases (and that is not rare!) still not often prudishly refrained from repeating the advice given by that wise expert on the subject. field of medicine and human nature to his ultra-chaste and moral empress.1
And we will prove in the course of this study that this would make them disciples not only of the famous Viennese physician, but also of the leading Christian moral theologians.

1 Cf. her ” Morals,” Commission and its Laws.

Local specific stimulation may be delayed and hampered by an inadequate amount of mucous secretion in the female, due to poor response of the vestibular glands to previous physical or psychological stimuli. Because if the lubrication is not sufficient, any constant friction of the vulva, clitoris and introitus vaginae, either during manipulation or – more vigorously – during coitus, causes pain instead of pleasure, and makes these sensitive tissues so irritable and inflamed that, if If contact continues, any sexual activity becomes impossible 2 due to the pain it causes. Therefore, as soon as it is clear that the distillation is delayed or insufficient, the natural lubricant must be replaced by an artificial preparation that will smooth the parts without causing irritation in itself.
The greasy ointments that are frequently used for this purpose 8 do not meet either of these requirements. They cause irritation because they are not soluble in water and therefore cannot be completely removed by the most vigorous washings. They ferment, become rancid and promote irritation. The same goes for Vaseline, although it does not go rancid. Its insolubility and the consequent impossibility of completely washing it away make its application to the vulva seriously unwise. The medical and pharmaceutical preparations used in gynecological practice to facilitate the insertion of a finger or surgical instrument are also not suitable for coitus, because they contain soap, glycerin or stronger antiseptics, and the necessary prolonged friction causes them to inflame the mucous membrane. membranes.
The most suitable genital lubricants are vegetable (herbal) preparations that are soluble in water and contain very few irritants. They most closely resemble the natural secretions they replace.*

2 The same is true in the case of the man, as we have said. We would just like to add that “dry” friction can easily lead to inflammation of the glans penis and especially of the foreskin.
3 The aim is generally just to ensure that the vulva and penis are smooth enough to allow insertion.

But the simplest and most obvious replacement for the inadequate lubricant is the natural fluid of the salivary glands. It is always available; obviously it has the disadvantage of very rapid evaporation. This makes it insufficient in cases where actual intercourse is prevented by lack of distillation. And during a very long local or genital manipulation, this form of replacement should be applied to the vulva, not once, but repeatedly. And this can best, most appropriately, and most quickly be done without the intermediate functions of the fingers, but by what I prefer to call the kiss of genital stimulation, or genital kiss.
through soft and soothing caresses with lips and tongue.1
This form of stimulation has many advantages. First of all, the lack of local secretion is no longer a disadvantage, but even becomes an advantage. Secondly, the sharpness of the pleasure it produces, and the variety of tactile sensations it produces, will make up for the former deficiency; that is to say, sexual excitement and desire reach such a point that – either by these means alone or with the help of other caresses – distillation takes place, heralding the psychological and physical readiness for sexual intercourse, successful and satisfying for both partners.
The genital kiss is mainly intended to overcome frigidity and anxiety in hitherto inexperienced women who have had no erotic practice and are barely capable of specific sexual desire.
But the husband must show the greatest gentleness and the most delicate reverence. The old proverb says: from the sublime to the ridiculous is but a step. In the lore of love, this proverb means that supreme beauty and hideous ugliness are separated by a line so thin that our minds and senses can cross it unnoticed!

1 As all expert readers will easily understand. I have deliberately not used the more or less technical terms for achieving orgasm through bucco-lingual contact with the genitals, for this reason: I refuse to use these expressions, which almost always refer to pathological practices, when talking about trade events. which in their current context are absolutely unacceptable and legitimate, both ethically, aesthetically and hygienically. (Of course, their hygienic and aesthetic value depends entirely on the spotless cleanliness and health of the bodies of both men and women.)
* Arrangements have now been made for the manufacture of Dr.’s jelly. Van de Velde (“Eugam”): lubricant, contraceptive and contraceptive. They were made by Messrs. Harman Freese, 32 Great Dover Street, London, S.E.i, who are also the makers of the author’s other preparations and pessaries (“Gamophile”) referred to in “FERTILITY AND STERILITY IN MARRIAGE.” (Editor’s note.)

We may assume that it is not necessary to describe the technique of this form of genital stimulation. It can be built up from what has already been said in detail about the kiss in general and about the special structure of the female organs.
The same applies to the analysis of this procedure. I just want to emphasize that the taste and smell sensations are probably more important here than with the mouth kiss! Therefore, and because the special situation and the secretions of the sexual organs present difficulties in this respect, the passive partner must take care to avoid disgusting and unhappy impressions by the most scrupulous and scrupulous personal cleanliness! In Chapter I I I we have indicated some special precautions.
For the active partner, the pleasures of the genital kiss are entirely psychological. They center around the joy of giving joy to and arousing desire in the beloved, and the imaginative realization of this pleasure and desire. (Of course, this psychological and emotional pleasure can be intense and transmit itself to the periphery, in the form of increased swelling.) The passive partner’s feelings, on the other hand, no matter how strong their emotional overtones, are predominantly peripheral. i.e. physical.
The fact that in this specific form of caress the man is usually the active partner is due to his naturally greater initiative, and also to the difference in tempo of the respective erotic reactions, which is common during the woman is still a novice.
In cases where the man’s reactions are less prompt, the woman may advantageously take the more active part during the second act of the love drama, and herself, with the greatest success, give rather than receive the genital kiss.
However, is it necessary to emphasize here the need for aesthetic delicacy and discretion? To advise her to completely abstain from such contacts in the early stages of married life, and to start them later and experimentally? To remind her that she faces greater risks than he does in approaching the treacherous line between supreme beauty and base ugliness? I don’t think it’s necessary; for she knows this intuitively, she feels it with all the instinctive modesty of a woman.
But the psychological situation is of course very different when, through mutual memories of joy and love, a happy adjustment has been achieved and the art of experiencing has been given to her.
Then a certain feminine initiative and aggression provides a refreshing change. Let her be the suitor sometimes, and not always the suitor. She can be that, while fully retaining her trademark dignity and gentleness. This role of lover can express her love in a very desirable way and give intense satisfaction to the husband, who feels that he does not feel alone
desire, but also inspires it.
In this more developed and richer harmony of relationships,
the use and enjoyment of genital stimulation and the genital kiss will depend entirely on the inclination, temperament, individual sensitivity and practice of both partners. They can be enjoyed alternately or sometimes simultaneously.
For in every form of sport or art every adept makes full use of every aspect and opportunity to perfect and vary his performance. He neglects neither the great consequences nor the delicate details. And so, how should it be different in the art of love, which is the richest and most subtle of all?